Chances are

The radio station
Played our song
Again and again tonight
And I cried
when I felt the ring
that you gave me
I've warn so long
No longer on my flesh.
I wish we lived in that music
Because each time I hear it,
it never changes.
I wish we hadn't changed...
Because we might still have
A chance...
And maybe, just maybe
I wouldn't be crying...
But I'd be in your arms
And you'd sing to me
And I'd be safe
From the rest of the world
Nothing else would matter
If only...
...if only

To love again

>The Heaven's couldn't provide me shelter
The winds of change couldn't spare me time
The endless nights didn't heal the wounds
Of what was lost, of what was mine

I've tossed about, lost and broken
Like a forgotten ship set to sea
The tides are strong, my anchor, broken
My will to exist ceasing to be

The sun shone no signs of forgiveness
It was by my admission this road I chose
To forgive and forget - to continue holding on
To the one I had loved so long ago

The passages of time have changed the soul
And in it's grace I've fallen astray
I've given in to that feeling inside
That begs and pleads for no hope to stay

I can't promise tomorrow, not even to myself
As tomorrow is not a promise one can keep
It's given at will, and I'll love again
So pure, so real, so deep

Unborn

That child inside still grows
With the same force of life as before
God himself couldn't remove that seed
Not even Heaven could even the score

I lost the child before I knew
The life that grew inside of me
Would give me so much more than
What I expected or prayed it'd be

In the mouthes of babes truth be told
That in this period so short of time
Once a thought, a body, a mind
Coursed through these veins of mine

I speak of regret in the hardest way
Then can be recognized by the human heart
To find that lost stollen child of mine
Where to begin? Where do I start?

I can not say more simply than this
That I take with me the greatest of pain
That fills this body with the blackest night
No sight be seen, no hope held in vain

White Knight

So you are my White Knight
And I, your fallen Queen
I bring you guilded offerings
A glass heart and broken wings

And how I'd love to hold you
To take you in these arms
And hold you ever lasting
And lure you with my charms

Our bodies tangled in passion
Of sexual lust and bliss
To hold you just one moment
To kiss you just one kiss

But I've found that I am placeless
Lost in a world of progression
I seek a peace that is priceless
In the arms of your posession

Hollow

I withdraw around you
I'm that hollow shape in the sky
To you, my tarnished light
Soothes the aching wind in this star filled night

*~*~*~*~

Only in silence you burn me with fire
our secrets disguised in violent memories
You're covered in black ivy flesh
Under the naked sky
You'll drink crimson brandy wine
And long for lonely rememberance of me

Summer Days

I long for those summer days
When a blanket was our gravity
When starlit nights were our sunrises
And the sweet caress of the wind our shelter

I cry for those winter nights
When a mug of cocoa was our liquor
When the fire light was our music
And your hands were my clothing

Where are those spring days
Where daisies filled our baskets
When blueberries melted against our tongues
And the words "I love you"
Brought me to a stand still

Where are those times when
You just called to see if I'd answer
And spend hours listening to each other breathe
And I found comfort
With your picture in hand

Piano

Her fingers frail on wrinkled hands
Played gentle on ivory keys
Her melody sang pure and sweet
If only for her to please
Twas once a melody of the sun
And brazen once was she
To have played a song, or maybe two
Upon hours only for me

Tentative ears, and twinkling eyes
Listened as she played on
And smiles passed across her lips
As the piano's voice rang out her song
But only for her did the piano sing
As her hands made music sigh
The old piano soon lost it's tune
And her music lost it's cry

Her fingers frail and cold with age
All too soon forgot
How to play a sweet melody
Her memory was distraught
But soon again music came
From a Grandchild young as she
Took her place before that old piano
As her fingers played the keys

Never Before

Il n'ya jamais
Un amour
(Que belle)
Quand que j'ai
Trouve
A vous

Il n'ya jamais
La vertie
(Que profound)
Quand que
Trouve
A vous

Il n'ya jamais
Un jour
(Que longuement)
Quand quel les jours
Quen je suis
Avec vous

Il n'ya jamais
Les bras
(Quelle fortes)
Quand que vous
Me tenez
Rapprocher
A vous

Il n'ya jamais
Une bise
(Quelle amour)
Quand que le lire
Je vous domme

Il n'ya jamais
Un touche
(Quel ruse)
Quand que la touche
Je te sens

Il n'ya jamais
Une seule
(Quelle puritee)
Quand que la seule
Je t'ai troue

Il n'ya jamais
Un pense
(Quelle fort)
Quand que les penser
De moi
Et vous

Cold Ending

I was throwing myself down that valley
Spinning on the horizon, out of control
Dead set to continue this path I had chosen
I'd give anything to finish, even my soul

Without hesitation, I was furling forward
My heart laden black, froze to ice
I know there would be no way back for me
(This is the chance you take when rolling the dice)

Scorched by the blistering sun light above
I gave into my undying relentless need
To find myself, true, my heart, left, forgotten
To mend my life? This hunger to feed

Then somewhere between my dream and real life
I found my golden bed of roses and mirth
And laid down my head and my mind to rest
Giving this weary body rebirth

But it was never enough for the human soul
To "just" find that finish line
I raced until I found the cold end
And left everything I once loved behind

Silence

>In a silent room
Sit a silent chair
Where a silent man
Sits sleeping

And in his quiet mind
He dreams quiet dreams
Of his youth;
Golden years he's keeping

He sleeps so still
In the still of the night
Wher his aches
Don't enter his dreaming

While his silver hair
In the silver light
Shines lightly
In the moonlite beaming

Color blind

I never
Considered
How you might feel
About the autumn
I took you
(For granted)
Time and again

It's nice how
The leaves change color
(I tried to describe
Them as best I could)
You were always
Color blind

But you always liked
My eyes (Ice blue
With a hint of green)

I couldn't
Understand your
Ways with words
I never tried
To listen with my heart
(I didn't know back then
That's how it was done)

You loved the sunset
With the moon hanging
Slightly to the side
(So pale next to
Perrywinkle)

You could see
The fire then
The raging of yellow
And red blended
To make a perfect
Orange cast against
A fading sky

And I would just
Sit
(So silently)
Listening to you
Breathe
Like a whisper
From a shadowed mountain
Aching for warmth
Of the coming day

I forgot
What it was like
To be jealous

I always wanted
For you to see me
Like you see the sunsets
And the mountains
(Or even the settling
Leaves)

You were color blind
To the things you
Wanted to be
You were never
Color blind
To me

Shame

I'm sick of your
Death
It wasn't my
Acceptance
That brought us
Here

It wasn't my shame
That led you down
A path much like
Hell

I lied to save you
(And cried for nothing)
Loneliness was never
An option

Your heart was never
Considered

And I was nothing more than
Fresh meat
For your rabid teeth
And stone cold heart

Kiss

I had only
Locked lips
With you
Once
(that was all
I neededtoknow
that you never
Loved me)

I couldn't
Seem to
Taste
The relevance
Behind your
Witting tongue
(Mine too afraid
To speak)

I only wanted
You
To love me
(With all your
Worth)
-and realize now
your worth
wasn't much
but 2 cents
in my pocket-

And a lifetimeofpain

Yours was
The sweetest kiss
(I never knew)
All I wanted
Was a simple
Gesture of
j'taime, mon cherre
mon petite
femme
I only hated you
In the winter
And loved you
In the spring
(I favored your kiss
In the summer)
But you always
Let me down
In the fall...

I wish I knew
That kiss meant
Good bye
(The day before
I said
I love you)

The sweetest kiss
I never knew
Was the only one
I never had
With you..

Daisies

I never could
Smell the daisies
it didn't take much
but a simple chance to
Forget
I couldn't
Pretend to laugh
To love
to lie
I was never
Good enough for
A remembrance
Or a touch
(so sweet from
gentle hands)
No, I couldn't forget you
I wish you had never
Brought me flowers
each day
each month
each year
They only died
like the ever fading us
I clung to so deeply
And tried to keep the
Fraying edges
from unraveling what
Little dream I clung to
In the middle of the night
wrapped in
Soft scented sheets
with nothing more
then a few strands of hair
to remember you by
on winters eve
and summer days
I'll pick daisies again
and remember
That even though
They came from you
You weren't the one
Who brought them to bloom
You were just the one
That picked them to die
(Just as you picked me
to break promises to
and to forget)
Always forget
What's important

Another Oregon Territory

Just passing by
Is what I
Used to tell
Myself
Just another
Oregon territory
To be discovered
Owned

I couldn’t place
A single memory
On one landscape
I favored more
Or one orchard
That tasted more
Sweet
Then the vineyards
Of which you grew
And blossomed

And I loved you
Hard and still
With only the beating
Of my broken chest
To remember your
Silent touch
In the middle of the night
Or the gentle wind
The memory of your kiss
Upon my brow
As I slept in silent
memory of you

And still I dream
Of nothing more
Then the silent hush
Of an ocean wave
Upon my feet
From the
Cool blue Pacific

And to whisper
How much I loved you
And wished that I could,
Still

Forget to remember

Too easily we forget what’s important
And too easily we forget who we are
But we never fail to remember what we’re not
And not a second between what we could have been

Dirty Cowboy Cafe

>I sit in the cafe where we never drank cappuccino
And I think of all the times we never said I’m sorry
But most of all I remember never saying I love you
When you never really wanted to say good-bye

Autumn Grace

September evening
I watch the season turn
Like shooting stars
(Or a meteor shower)
All I can do is rake the leaves
And hope you’ll be here tomorrow
To jump in them again

Casual

>So just touch me
One more time
Before you leave
I need at least one good memory
To carry me to my next
Casual relationship
I’ll miss those hands
That know me all too well
So touch me one more time
And savor my skin now
Come tomorrow,
It will be a different flavor

Sympathy

>Days have passed since we two parted
Hands empty, mouth hungry, eyes wide
Our deliverance of words, half open hearted
Forever, I thought, we'd stand side by side

Like an ocean's rage against the earth
Our tongues lash at one another
Searching for that time of rebirth
Where we once could depend on each other

Trust was lost, innocence gone
Before I could say one word
You're a stranger before me; moving on
My plea's you never heard

Again and again, you thrashed and raged
I couldn't hold on; you wanted release
Out, you wanted, like a rat from its cage
Our time together, from this, did cease

Tears were shed, in blood you swore
That it would not end that way
You wanted love to be the even score
(Even though you fucked him day after day)

You're sorry now, a day too late
I've gone deaf from my own accusations
I was never there; you're only complaint
While you never knew my contemplation’s

I can no longer suffer to make you happy
Nor bleed one more drop for you
I cared for you too long, lovingly
Now there are new things for me to pursue

I want to forgive you, in so many ways
But cheating has no condonment
We do not always remember each day
But we always remember the moments

Love Song

You wrote your first love song
With a hard on over me
You tried so carelessly to bend and twist
To sweep me off my feet

I wasn't your addiction
I wasn't your crime
I wasn't your dream, I was never enough
To suffer for
Bleed all over me

All I get is a fuck you kindly,
You said so pleasantly
With each violent sylabol
Dripping from your lips

As my wrists and scars split open
To tell the truth
Split open from your tongue lash
Swallow down those shards of glass
And make me proud
Make me fall in love with you
All over again

I want to, love
I want to love you
Like the razor in my vein
Like the violets kiss the...
Make me die for you
All over... again

Practical

I sometimes
scream at the moon
And put my faults
on the stars
And for me,
that satisfies my curiosity
As to why they fall
I never needed to
know the science
I just assumed
meteor showers
Were somehow my blame
(Like everything else
that didn’t seem practical)

Just as it suits
everyone else’s needs
To use me as
their scapegoat
What they don’t
understand is
Even after I’m gone
Those stars will
continue to fall

I sometimes
scream at the moon
And put my faults
on the stars
And I just pray that
Those damn stars
Drop suddenly
to leave the moon
Hang in a blank sky
So I can finally
have peace of mind
That I can’t be
blamed for anything else
That isn’t practical

Your words

I regret
Saying
I love you
Too many times
That it became a
Foreign thought

I regret
Not saying
I’m sorry
Whenever I lost
All control
And to me
I was always to blame

I regret
Falling
In love with
Your words
And fingers
Thinking they were
My only option
For settlement

I regret
Not being what
You wanted
When I told you
You were what
I needed

But I don’t regret
Saying good-bye
When I wasn’t
Your plastic Jesus anymore
And I love you was always
A foreign thought
And I’m sorry was
The most imperative
Regret
You never felt
(Or even tried to)

Regret

I found it
Ironic
That you always
Seemed to forget
That I loved you.

I gave you
Everything
I shared with you
My world.
My dreams.
My passions.

And I remember
People like you
Don't love
People like me...
Or maybe I'm just the type
That couldn't be loved
Even when it's false.

But it doesn't console
The fact
I gave my all
And you gave nothing
But a blank piece of paper
Covered with regret.

Medicated

Still it seems lonesome
even in dark woods
(elves still wander freely)

Mushrooms couldn’t have caused this hallucination

and I think of you
even here
as I take my Risperdal
choke on my Clonapin
and ease down my Celexa

(all of which are results of you)

Is it worth it to die
by drinking my Malt
drowning myself with Vodka shots
and still having that last remaining thought of you
As they turn out the lights?

Still, it seems lonesome
Even in dark woods
That I created
(as elves wander freely)
I’ll take my mushrooms
I’ll drink myself dead
and hopefully when the lights are out
I won’t remember you anymore.

Melancholy

>My tongue ran
Dry
(Sore lips and no words)
I tried to sing
With tired chords
A melody
Without change

I had forgotten
(Once)
That I belonged
To you
My scars
(My memories)
Mended with
Poor needlework

Your heart full of
Melancholy words
Blinding me with
Spite, and passion

If I only had
The right voice to sing
(Or chorus to die for)
I might have kept you
(Instead of your faded
memory)

Behind the bars of captivity

So many times
I’ve wanted to rape
You(r mind)
With my prying fingers

So many times
I’ve wanted to cut you open
And crawl inside you
Be you
(At least I could pretend
I wasn’t here anymore)

And at least I’d know you

If I just killed myself
To be your life's embryo
Would you love me then?

I’d kill thousands for you
And bring you their flesh
(A more acceptable gesture now,
Then in Van Gough’s day)
I’d love to wear your hair
Feel your body through your hands
My only fear is to kill you
When I was through
Playing God for a day

I Only

>I only frowned
When you
Didn’t want me
(Like this)
Anymore

I only cried
When you
Said
I still love you
(But in an old way)

I only smiled
When you cursed
Aloud
(You always
Tried to hide
That side from me)

I only laughed
When you Asked
(Could we still be friends?)
But leave the
Intimacy
In place

I only stayed
(With you)
Because you
Needed me to
Just as much
As I needed
To want to stay

I only left you
Standing cold
In rain
When you said
I hadn’t changed
(Not a bit)
But I had changed
(Everything)
Just to see if you’d notice
And to see if you’d even
Really care

Weaving a season

>Sometimes
seasons end early
Winter came quick
this year
All I wanted was
to watch the autumn
And whisper my secrets
to the moon

Sometimes
I feel like dancing
on stars
Or lying naked
in the grass
(But only when it’s raining)

Have you ever
kissed a violet
Dripped rose petals
on your skin?
Only in the summer
when in season
(And only when it’s raining)

Sometimes
I’m convinced
When it rains-
It pours
I’m left without an umbrella
No raincoat, no sky

I just wanted to
see the fall
In the Vermont mountains
While drinking
mint leaf tea
And to bring a closure to
An ever fading “us”
That never existed
to begin with
(But only when it rained)

Too much, Too little

Too much
Have I depended
On others for my
Survival
Too little
Have I depended
On myself
For strength
Sometimes it’s hard
When you hate the world
But most of all
Hate that you’re in it
Too much time
Have I spent
Feeling sorry for
Myself
Too little
Have I spent
Feeling heart broken
For others
Sometimes it’s hard to
Re-adjust
When you’ve spent
Your life
Revolving around
someone
You thought
Would never leave

Systematic

Sometimes the library
Feels like recycled paper
(And it smells old
Because the shelves
Are full of dust)
I can’t stand being
In loud places
But I hate it when it’s quiet
And heaven knows
It’s too quiet here

I’ll pick out a book
Perhaps an EE Cummings
Or Robert Frost
To soothe the fact that
I never studied here
And never intend to
I just can’t help but wonder
What other faces
Have peered down
On the pages I read
And carelessly throw out
Frost’s fantastic endings
And took it at face value
When really he was just
Trying to live for
Himself

And I-
I can’t compare to
Any of this
Because I just sit quietly
Reading a book
Pretending I’m okay with
Being alone
(When inside I wish someone
Would comment on
“The Road Not Taken”
Or commence in an
Arousing discussion of
EE Cummings sexual innuendo’s)
And all I feel is a paper cut
As I flip to the next page
Of poetry I’ve already read
A thousand times
But each time holds new meaning
(And the question of my
Intelligence level arises again
When I can’t understand something
I understood before)
And the fact that these chairs
Make it impossible to get
Comfortable
Or put the right feel for a mood
And the words are always so dull
When I’m not in my room
(And the only time I read
Is when the Golden Girls have ended
And I can’t find another dance step
To concentrate on in my room
While listening to music I only
Pretend to like)

And I try to think of philosophy
And concentrate on how I feel
About my life
And realize that
Tomorrow’s are only as threatening
As today will allow them to be

And no matter how hard I try
Somehow I am always a disappointment
(To myself)
And to the world that doesn’t
Understand; that I have more going
On in my head then facts and figures
Or the constant worry of
“What am I going to do with my life”
When all I really want to concern
Myself with is living right now
Without the worry of
Pissing the next person off who wants
Whatever book I’m cozied up with
On an uncomfortable
Plastic library chair
Where the room smells like dust
And I feel like I’m in a card board box
And right now It’s too cold
To go back to my room where
I’m more comfortable

I just want to tell someone
That I love poetry, and the moon
And I am curious as to
Why the world turns like it does
But while I stand in the moment
Everyone else is already in tomorrow
And I’m just trying to catch up
And live in the right time frame
(And we wonder why our parents
Still live in the 50’s)

But it’s hard sometimes when
Tomorrow I’m going to be alone again
And I’ll come back to this very chair
And I’ll read the very same book
(Just to shroud everyone that I’m
Okay being alone)
And at some point I’ll have to leave
This building
To realize again that
Tomorrow is only as threatening
As today will allow it to be

Midnight Drives

You held my hand
on the way home
After endless
hours of love making
“Could you
turn off the radio”
Was all you could
muster

You held my hand
on the way home
I felt you shiver
as I turned on the heat
The smooth leather
memorizing the shape
Of my legs; As I leaned
against the seat

You held my hand
on the way home
In a careless
sort of way
And I cringed
when I realized
It wasn’t me
you were making
love to

Love Loss & Gain

You asked me what love is
And my response is
Beauty
(Loves loses and gains)
I show beauty through love.
You ask me what love is
To a realist.
Realists know
Love has its prices

And the prices are high
In love and war.

(And I still say that I love)

You ask me if I lust
Sex and love

I have sexual desires
(But never based on lust)

I love to make love
But the person is more the love
Then the sex.

You ask me how I love

And this question (brought me)
to a stand still.
...and my response

I love through God
Through honest things

I love through mind
What is inside a person
I love through heart
The feeling deep in the soul
I love through touch
The feeling of their skin against mine
I love through sight
Their every smile (delights me).

Now I ask you,
Do you love?

Do you lust?

How do you love?

Love is what you make it...
Because love changes
it evolves.

Just as we do... in time.
Just as seasons do...
Just as the leaves change...

But, love is a constant thing, though it changes.
It’s not forgotten...

If I...

If I had a star for each lie you gave me
I could create a sky
And be like God
(On a pedestal)
And enjoy my view from Heaven

If I had a canvas for each broken promise
I could be a Rembrandt
Make a fortune by filling a gallery
(My only down fall being the repetitive colors
Representing fallen words of you)

If I had an instrument for each “I love you”
I could form an orchestra
-Write a symphony
And hope you play your radio just right
To feel the regret in my piano solo

But if I had just one minute to spare
I might think twice about remembering you
But, with all my riches
I have enough music to keep me content
Under star filled nights
Where I can be my own Rembrandt
For someone else...

They Danced

They danced
And forgot the world
(Forgot the color
And meaning)

Beauty was
Undeniable
And sweet

Rare, like a
Storm
Calming the
Sea

They made love
And melted their skin
To be one
For just that moment
And nothing
Was ever
As precious
As that sin

Faceless

We remain
Faceless here
Among the
Many footprints
Faded
Along the sand

I could scream
To fill the silence
Or weep to
Have you remember

My hands are
Small & worn

And I've never
Felt so
Alone

Moon

They say
The currents
On the lake
Are the
Humming
Love whispers
To the moon

Beckoning
For her pale face
To shine
Her love
Down again
Tonight

Sibyl

She intoxicates
The room
And you feel
Like you're
Drowning
In her perfume

Sometimes it's hard
To say good-bye
Isn't it?

God

I wore the name God
Like a scar
(Across my face
And wrists)
Warning the world
Of my brilliance
And humanity
(I died upon
That cross
You wear
I bleed myself
In your despair)
But your eyes
Fail to see
It's me
It's me
(It's me)

Today's End

Don't let today
End sour
Let it remind us
Of our pasts
Let it begin & fall
With a memory
Of hope & surprise
Don't let today
Begin loudly
With a forgotten
Melody of
How life was
Supposed to be
Don't let it
Pass you by
(Pass you by)
Again

Snow

Snow drift down
Soft petal flakes
Of crisp season
Blanket gently
Against the
Faded ground
Like fairies,
They dance
Over naked branches
And clothe my eyes
With memories
Of you

Roads

As sure as I was at becoming a woman,
With the Artist I am, and bridges I've burned,
A moment in time, a thousand years passed,
The days I've forgotten, the lessons I learn.

When I was strong enough to move boulders,
But went weak in the knees at a kiss,
And taking the night sky for granted,
And believing teen romance true bliss.

Yes, I would say I'm becoming a woman,
With the power and strength to stand my ground,
I've not given up, I've never forgotten,
The who's, the what's, the when's, the how's.

If it wasn't for experience that I've built upon,
And days that lasted longer then weeks,
I'd still be a child, long lost, forgotten,
And not have the courage to speak.

As sure as I was about becoming a woman,
With the Artist I am, and bridges I've burned,
A moment in time, a thousand years passed,
The days I've forgotten, and lessons I've learned.

Post Script

I only
Wanted you to know
The mediocre
Thoughts
I have about you
If you knew
How I really feel
I'm afraid
I'd lose myself
(Within you)

Oscar Wilde

On oceans edge and rivers deep
Cast thine trouble into sleep
And when the golden day breaks at dawn
Those loathsome secrets from you I keep

When nothing more is said or done
And the love we hold is old and gone
Those fearful things inside me reap
We'll break our promises until there's none

So once again we find ourselves alone
Laying naked upon gravel and stone
When everything inside me is dead
And no forbidden valleys are left to roam

I will find my Heaven in Hell instead
When all these troubles are cast to sleep
Bye the by, my soul tortured and fed
By the hunger inside we sow and reap

One Night Stand

When I wake up
I hope I'm alone
(Last thing I need
Is another disappointment
I never expected)
I live my life on a schedule
My wrist watch doesn't have time
For another let down
I keep myself,
(On a daily basis)
Alone-(you never risk
The daily fuck-overs
If you keep within yourself)
So, this morning
I hope I wake up alone
And that my signals for
A one night stand were clear
Because God knows
You're beautiful enough to love
But realistically
I'm something you can never have
(Or would even want to)

Naked

How would you feel
If I lie naked
Before you(r sore eyes)
Skin so tender
And so tainted
(With memories of you)

Memories

We keep a moment to go back in time
And visit our old fanes of the past
Secrets and dreams, never left behind
Preserving the memories we wanted to last

Smiling on times that made us laugh & cry
Before dusk would break, we slumber in deep
Dreaming of days long gone by
Only at night those secrets we speak

A love that was kindled before we met
A touch that was sweeter then the blue sky
A future uncertain, our plans unset
Too many times we've said good-bye

And I couldn't imagine my life without
That one person that makes my world spin
Never a moment was I filled with doubt
About allowing the love of my life in

With each passing day I grow more fond
Of this person who has graced my life
A friendship formed of strongest bond
Setting all others out of sight

And with all this, my love I give
To the person that I cherish so
This promise grows stronger every day I live
No matter which paths we choose to go.

Memories

We keep a moment to go back in time
And visit our old fanes of the past
Secrets and dreams, never left behind
Preserving the memories we wanted to last

Smiling on times that made us laugh & cry
Before dusk would break, we slumber in deep
Dreaming of days long gone by
Only at night those secrets we speak

A love that was kindled before we met
A touch that was sweeter then the blue sky
A future uncertain, our plans unset
Too many times we've said good-bye

And I couldn't imagine my life without
That one person that makes my world spin
Never a moment was I filled with doubt
About allowing the love of my life in

With each passing day I grow more fond
Of this person who has graced my life
A friendship formed of strongest bond
Setting all others out of sight

And with all this, my love I give
To the person that I cherish so
This promise grows stronger every day I live
No matter which paths we choose to go.

Memories

We keep a moment to go back in time
And visit our old fanes of the past
Secrets and dreams, never left behind
Preserving the memories we wanted to last

Smiling on times that made us laugh & cry
Before dusk would break, we slumber in deep
Dreaming of days long gone by
Only at night those secrets we speak

A love that was kindled before we met
A touch that was sweeter then the blue sky
A future uncertain, our plans unset
Too many times we've said good-bye

And I couldn't imagine my life without
That one person that makes my world spin
Never a moment was I filled with doubt
About allowing the love of my life in

With each passing day I grow more fond
Of this person who has graced my life
A friendship formed of strongest bond
Setting all others out of sight

And with all this, my love I give
To the person that I cherish so
This promise grows stronger every day I live
No matter which paths we choose to go.

Nothing

Your locked me
In your brass cage
(I couldn't breath
through the bars)

You shattered
And shook
(my world)
And left me
No part of you
To remember

I can't remember
If it was your
Words
(Or flowers)
That brought me
Nothing but
Regret

So charismatically
You forgot
(Who I was)
What I am
To you
(To me,
The world
anything)
Anything but
Nothing

I couldn't speak
More eloquently
(For you)
Or for myself
You never
Allowed me
The pleasure
(The sacrifice
The pain
Nor the honesty)
That I required
When we began
Our ending.

I never forgot
How to remember
I never gave
Without the receive
I never lost
Without my winning
I never lived
Without my dying

And you were never
Enough
For a woman like me
And I was never
The toy you wanted
(To play with)
When you needed
A simple gesture
Or symbol of affection

The only reason I stayed
Was regret.

The only reason you left
Was fear.
And the only reason we existed
(In the first place)
Was because I gave in
For a moments glance
On what could have been
And what I wanted it to be

But you were never enough
To keep me going
And I was never your property
To begin with

I could never become
Graceful
In your presence

I can never have
What you want
I will never be
Your dream
And you will never be
Anything more
Then sacrifice
To me.

L.A. Nights

Just another
Night
In L.A.

(The lights
Streaming
Storming
Turning
In my head)

I’d lie awake
In my car

(Watch the gamblers
Make headway
With their riches
Of plastic money
With their whores
Of diamond eyes
And their pockets
Full of weed(s)

I wish
I could be
As free
Than
Abandoned
In my old
Truck

Singing for
Star dust
And
Helpless
Dreams

I’d love to spend
Another night
In L.A.

Instead of
Watching it
Pass by
In my mind

Ash

I smoked a pack a day
Hoping I'd breathe in the cancer
Then die with this regret
Of your ever elusive memory

It couldn't get better then
Stale coffee
Powdered donuts
And 10 yr aging "New Ports"
Cry for me
When I'm young & grey
Weep for me
When I'm old & unable
Forget me
When tomorrow fades

And I'll be like the ash
Melting at your finger tips
And fading against your lips

You Are

Your love is the reason that Poets write
By slight of hand in the darkest night
Encased by silence, blinded by light
Shadows of stillness, heart full o' light
Your love is the reason that Poets write

And of this you give a true heart felt
By hands unfold their softness pelt
Of grace and love, pain that's dealt
In your eyes, my body does melt
And of this you give a true heart felt

Passion of love; Nights ever-lasting
Dreams of lust, gone, by the casting
To the east, and west, good-bye to the passing
Estranged Euphoria, chance of lasting
Passion of love; Nights ever-lasting

Bound by eternity, bodies entwined
No greater love could either find
Than that which we share in body and mind
No love could be more gentle, nor more kind
Casting all others so far behind

Ice

A man turned to stone on an island of ice
When twice the passion was a sudden loss
And memories bloomed on sun lit crests
Of mountains made of frost

No delight was found in hearts of Kings
Their Kingdom a shadowed grey pale light
No mornings warm, no voices ring
All lie still in the silence of night

No warm hands to touch the heart
Or grieve at a moments passing
When throats are silent, and lips are dry
No love could be ever-lasting

And it's true, a story could change it's pace
Or lay dormant in our mind
When what we have is what we need
And what we want, can never find

A man turned to stone on an island of ice
When twice the passion was a sudden loss
And memories bloomed on the sun lit crests
Of mountains made of frost.

Unknown

Virtual yet motionless
Imperial, yet weak
Her fingers cold and broken
Laying naked upon your sheets

Smooth yet rough the waters
Passed virginal escapes
Her thighs entwine your body
As your pseudo charm she takes

Holy yet ungodly
Pure, yet repressed
She'll take you while you're sleeping
As your lips take full her breasts

And in your mind you wonder
Is it her that lusts for you
Or are you merely a notch on her
Log of forgotten truths

So full of spite and passion
You scream to all the world
When through, you ask her name
And says - "I'm me, a simple girl."

Devil's Work

I found the darkness on my own
With the reminisce of a silent tone
My finger tips broke in the cold
Of the one who turned my soul to stone

My eyes can't see beyond the haze
Of this ever evasive burning maze
While inside my bones shatter
Waiting for the end of days

It couldn't feel more allusive
When it feels more abusive
To tell myself that dead is better
Then living in an abstract illusion

Light or dark, choosing one
To bring the shadows, or the sun
Just to remember that it all ends
When the Devil's work is done

My Eternity

You make me feel beautiful
(Dancing, like a Queen)
So soft and gentle, your words
Whispered so silent in the night
How I'd love to hold you
And kiss your innocent face
Love you all night long
Hands entwined, body to body
How I'd love to share
Eternity with you
My love
My hope
My everything

Every Hour

The leaves have changed outside
And I think about the past
We've changed too, you and I...
And yet, as every leaf falls
They still seem beautiful
Because of the colors they hold
Our leaves fall
But we still have the ability
To shine
To be beautiful
Just because the leaves are dying
Doesn't mean we have to die, too...

Past Regrets

I used to
Cut my arms
(To deal with
Your memory)

I never felt
The blade
(I only felt
The scars)

No one ever knew
I'd go through
Hell
To get to your
Heaven

And sometimes
In a world of
Programmed people
You just have to
Scream

(Even then
You sometimes
Never heard)

And I begged you
I got down
On my knees
I wanted you to
Hear me

To feel the
Agony and
Regret
In my ever so
Fading eyes

And my hands
Tremble
From the cold
Without you
To hold on to

(And I cut
Deeper
With more regret
And more
Passion
Then the ocean
Could ever move
Water)

There was only
Stillness
To calm me
When the pain
Was over

(But I never
Forgot
The scars
You left behind)
Or the ones
I made
Out of a
Weak attempt
At forgetting

-Just to remind myself
To never fall in love
(With you)
Again

Kingdom

A knight, a fortune
A castle of truth
A sword, a shield
A fountain of youth

A courtyard, a river
A domain of Kings
A promise, forever
Given in rings

A night, a day
A sunrise of loss
A life, been taken
Terrible cost

A kingdom, a fortress
Forever entwined
Together, forever
Side by Side

Boundaries

If love has no boundaries
Then my heart is a field
The sun helps it to blossom
And the broken flowers healed

If love has no boundaries
Then what are these fences?
I’m not prepared to take
Loves painful chances

If love has no boundaries
My endangered heart is dying
Shot by loves arrow
When the love turned to lying

If love has no boundaries
My soul is not safe
The tears will turn to thorns
And my field, an ocean of hate

Second hand cancer

You got cancer
today.
I can't imagine why

(Those twelve packs
Of cigarettes couldn't have
ANYTHING) No,
Not a single thing
(To do with it)

I watched as your
Skin melted away
Your body wasted
And tortured
From years of
Clouded air

and loveless nights
and empty coffee pots
and restless sleep
and no one to care

I couldn't survive on your
Match box comments

I can't love a man
Who lives on a frequent
Flyer miles ticket
A one way trip
To lungless death

I never liked your
Middle-of-the-night
Nic fits, anyway

And you couldn't handle
My non-smoking section
Of life.

Marilyn

She fell on the ice
And cracked her hands
On the cold
(Her eyes wintry blue
And silver lips)

Frozen she seemed
From head to fingertips

A rustic from the old
Days when blue was worn
For virginity
And gentlemen held
Firm by a woman's side

(Not like a testimony
Of far away pride
Too wrapped up in
Self pity
To hear themselves cry)

And she looked up at the
Iced over sun
With the ice clouds
Brewing above
She knew she was hurting
But only ignored
The pain

(How could she
Love her body
With the cuts
And bruises
And broken veins)

And magic streams
From her hair
Like a parade,
A dance,
A song
Colors too painful to look at
But can't help but notice
When she's gone

And she survived the fall
All too well
For a bruise to form
Anywhere, except her soul
And dress
Tattered, and torn

With age,
She cried and raged
For lonely words
She could only whisper
Secrets bared
Etched on a page
And trapped inside
A hollow stem
Full of captivity
Locked in her cage

Her eyes grew cold
With longevity
And for a moment
She was a star
Among them all

Reaching the Storm

The light has reached
The darkness
Beyond the gates
Of Hell
Break through the
Soul Immolare
To where our
Heroes fell

While crushed under
Rhinestones of
Purple, and
Night-blue
An eclipse awaits
Your bloodless body
To build again,
Renew

To face your taker's
Immortal breath
To feel the icy cold
Upon your naked
Pure white flesh
From hands wrinkled,
And old

To hear the
Grandfather clock
Ticking
To hear the music
Cry
To bare your sins to
Our Holy Father
Who will forgive you
When you die

Who's wounds are
More abundant
More painful
More scarred
Then those of
Dried blood
On your wrists
Of suicide attempts
You farce

The light has reached
Your darkness
The day has
Found your night
To open your eyes
To face again
The humiliation
Of day light

To look into
The eyes of people
Who know you
Through and through
That your weak attempt
At suicide
Was something
You couldn't
Do

Dreamless Dream

Dreams I chased over open sea
Never to find what was waiting for me
Only in jest did I search, yet, still
Perhaps only to find my forgotten will
A boy at best, a man never to be
All because I followed the dreamless dream
Friends forgotten, family I've lost
My endeavor, stolen, at a cheap cost
A riddle, a rhyme, a whiskey or two
Till I was drunk, I knew not what to do
A partridge, be merry, I follow my dream
Hoping to find what was waiting for me
A fortune? maybe... a life lived in pleasure?
Something to hold? something to treasure?
A dreamless dream, aye, that be the one
So faintly I see it in the setting sun
Across the miles, along the way
I search by night, I search by day
Until cold cold morning did I awake
A fear in my eye, my body did shake
My dream was clear now, I realized why
I'd followed a dream that twas only a lie
My fortune at home, a man I would be
If I had found what was waiting for me
Now I too old to be young man and free
All because I followed a dreamless dream

Hush

He smiled
And she
Took his
Grace
Like the
Coming of
Fall
In
Spring

And
Forgave him
His
Imperial gifts
Of painted
Gold
And wings

And took
The bud
Of Summer
Time
As the
Dizzy daisies
Bloomed

Laced her
Throat
With
Silk
And acid
To sing
Of love
And
Moon

She watched
The
Sunrise
Grow dark
And the
Nightfall
Lose it’s
Way

To scrape
Her knees
On chalk board
Floors
And
Wash her
Blood
In clay

His face
Was on
Her
Wall
At night
And Jesus’
In the
Sun

She’d worship
Her body
With his
Picture framed
Smile
And
On her
Knees
For the
Holy One

She’d
Break her
Veins
And wrap
Them tight
With
Barbed wire
And peroxide

And tell
Herself
The pain
Was
The penance
Of her
Pride

He watched her
Grow
And disappear
Upon orchards
Of deadened
Hope

With sunken
Eyes
Of regret
And lust
To fade
Away
In smoke

Reality

I don't
Like
The idea
Of being
Stranded
In your
Arms

When the
Realization
Of
Probability
Was too high
For my
Never
Leaving

I can't
Withstand
The look
In your
Eyes

So
Obscene
And
Crystal
Clear

You make me
Feel
Like I'm
Drowning

Simplicity

Beautiful are these days
That shed light brighter then
The light of the sun
And softer
Then the shadows
Of the moon

& the loss of Love

We drove
All night
Without
Separation or dignity
I laughed
So quiet
While you spoke
So bold

My knuckles
Bleed
Red & Bright
From breaking
Myself
Like fragile
Glass

Break the spring time
Season
Like you broke me
& my faith
Time & again

Holy Revolution

Check and
Call
The change
And fall
Of a mirror
Glance
Of parting dance
To help stand
Against a
Wall

Too scared to
Take the fall
Of what it’s worth
A lifeless
Birth
Given in
Retribution
Of this holy
Revolution
A fighting chance
For Mother Earth

And it doesn’t matter
That we hurt
The sinning past
We thought
Would last
And bring us down
To the under
Ground
Of where our
Faithlessness
Crashed

All for a bundle
Of cash
To save us from
The deadly harm
Of a broken
Wing
God’s words we sing
The snake we could not
Charm

But do not be
Alarmed
It’s the way the world
Has unfurled
It’s thundering
Cry
For the sinners to fry
But we are still labeled
Humane
Though we bind our
Brothers
In fetters and chains

To keep us settled
Locked in pain
For the glorious end
To our God
We defend
A book with no meaning
While the holy ones are cheating
The rest of us of salvation
Give us what
We’re craving

Instead of your
Selfless saving
Of our pasts we are
Bound
Blood lust, hunting
Like hounds
Never to feel
Forgiveness
For our selfish
Weakness
A light in the darkness
Can we be found?

Catacomb

Take me to the place where I’ll always lie
An eternal rest of forbidden sleep
The wind carries the clouds and gentle sigh
Never to wake from this rest so deep
Soon I’ll be gone in the dark night
Shudder not from the heart’s piercing pain
As a shiver would come with the evening rain
I will return to set the wrong things right
To walk and dance in a burning flame
Eternity seems to be but an hour
I was the chosen to take the blame
A life lived low, and after lived high
The sins we pay even after we die
Like the wilted petals of a dying flower
Set neatly upon my lonesome grave

Passages of Time

The roses I loved four years ago seem to be wilting now
Just a reminder of how a memory can live without a sound
And mock the sadness of regret with painful scars and thorns
Even with the most gentle touch you find your flesh is torn

With crimson red to paint the ash of the ever dying flower
To gain again the remembrance of every damn waking hour
When words were golden in the silence of saying all too much
And every emotion could be felt with one single touch

We break our hearts with painted dreams and long for yesterday
With bouquets of fallen memories we lost along the way
And Angels sing with broken wings, the same solemn woes
With every chord, and every verse, still the fury grows

That within our reach was something real, something pure and new
And living more for ourselves was something we couldn’t do
As we escape through passages of our loneliness and regret
Falling deeper in our man made Hells, never to forget

A Murder of Crows

The sky was blank, blank as the night
The air carried no sound of the living
An eeriness coursed through my veins
The silence was a bit too unnerving.

Like a blackened curse from a depth unknown
Not even the rivers sang their babbling songs
‘Twas not a day so quiet before this
My mind echoed, “something is wrong”

Weaving in the shadows, not a creature near
Hollowness followed in the breeze
Untouched by sunlight, in the darkness still
Silently laid the restful leaves

Until a footfall, I thought I was alone
Was a man, dressed like the dreary night
His eyes empty, his hair dusty blonde
In build he was thin, and tall in height

He carried himself slowly, as if to show
He knew what the day foretold
His soul bared the sins of the earth
This silence the rule of three-fold

I spoke with some reserve, a hesitation
Not knowing of his reply
“What has become of this life of ours?”
I looked deep within his eyes

He arched his brow, and lit a cigarette
Whispered so cold, “Follow me”
Into the shadows we disappeared
And what we saw I was not prepared to see

Like the valley of darkness, before my eyes
Laid a blanket of blackened feathers
Limp they lay like the inherent sight of death
Side by side, they died together

I turned to the man who stood stood so calm
And asked, “what do you know of this?”
He smirked and smiled, and whispered softly
“This, my dear, was death’s silent kiss”

Too afraid to move, I stood frozen in place
Looking over the dead valley of crows
Carnage filtered through the smut filled air
I felt myself being enclosed

“Why did they die? What is this disease?”
The man gave me no answer
“Damn it! Who are you, that came from the night
Eating away at my soul like a cancer?”

“I’m the one you asked to come
To rid the world of the pain
The one who bleed the world of sin
Took the blood of it’s veins”

“I didn’t ask for this. Nothing was supposed to die.”
My body shook, my soul stained and scarred
I knew this was by my malison
By my living lightly, all life died hard

I knelt down and touched the feathery body
Of a blood stained lifeless crow
Picked up this sign of sin and hatred
With every moment my heart grew cold

I held my sin against my dying chest
And tilted my face up towards the sky
I knew why this man was here for me
It was my turn in life to die

I turned towards him with a tear stained face
The poor bird clutched in my hands
I pleaded and begged, “Who has done this?”
I wanted to understand

Again he just smiled, and shook his head
He had no remorse for the weak of living
My eyes dropped down, I knew the answer
And that I was the one, unforgiven

I took a deep breath, and asked again
“Please, this is something I need to know.”
He smiled with a glare, and without hesitation
Said, “It was I that killed the crows.”


“It was I that killed the crows”
Echoed in my head
From a lonesome grave that voice-
Rang; filling me with dread
That in the night, some dreadful plight
My soul to Hell be fed

My eyes felt cold, my limbs were numb
From all that I endured
The memories of the past; like ghosts
In my mind are stored
Like broken will, the terror still
Stuck my every cord

Still that massive sight of death
Reeked in my clouded mind
And echoed still, those sins I made
In a past I left behind
God, could it be, was it me
Could I be so blind

I stood there in silent grace
That shook my soul to cold
That within my hands a fallen bird
A lifeless creature whose soul I stole
And kept instead, within my head
A world no longer whole

I looked upon that man again
Whose grace had fallen short
Whose loveless eyes and mangled hands
Had nothing to impart
That I was the one
To cause the world to fall apart

With a small tear in my eye
I opened my mouth and said
“What is there left to do
When everything is dead;
How much more is there to see
The town’s been painted Red.”

He threw his cigarette to the ground
Looked me in the eyes
“Foolish girl, can’t you see?
It’s your turn in life to die.”
And with that final echo
The birds began to rise

Into the sky flew broken wings
And broken cords rang out
To herald the coming of my end
To rid me of my doubt
I thrust back my head, instead
My voice too weak to shout

I looked upon the sky that grew
Cold and bleak and gray
That shone no signs of forgiveness
As my tears did fade away
That in the night I’d find my peace
In a shallow empty grave

I knelt down beside the man
Who controlled my final breath
And prayed a prayer in all my years
That never heard contempt
For myself whose doom was set
In a watery lonesome depth

Again he spoke with more remorse
Then possible for a reaper
“Come now, child, take this hand
I’ll bring you to your Keeper.”
And as I did, I fell away
Into a Hell so much deeper

As I opened my eyes to the day
I found I was alone
Safe and sound, within my world
Not near a single Stone
That etched out names and dates of death
Of where the body roams

But in my head, I hear those words
That shakes me to my bones
It was by my malison, all life died hard
It was I that killed those crows
And from that sin I felt within
A fire where fury grows

Faith's Regression

Silver strands of moonlight
Upon the ridden earth
Lucid memories of God's creation
The history of our birth

Languid eyes of sorrow
Lowered in regret
Of how they betrayed the golden Son
Who bade them to not forget

A memory forgotten
Of those who truly lived
To save us from our pasts
To love us and forgive

And all we could return back
On blackened hands of sin
Are heartless words of anger
Of faith we couldn't win

The steeples fell in ruins
And rock foundation lay
The churches soul power
10 commandments which we pray

Upon our troubling waters
We pass the living word
Ignoring the true penance
Of the sins we have endured

The sky is torn and blank, now
Without a single ray of light
We shut out our creator
Bade him farewell, good night

And in our solitude we stumbled
Our own ideas of life we grew
A seed we planted long ago
To search for something new

When all was given to us
In a garden, that of our soul
And from its branches hung the fruit
That we as savages stole

When it was being given freely
As a gift of love, and tenderness
Shutting out the hand of comfort
As our mind-bondage does progress

And, still He sits, waiting
Patiently, with loving arms
For His people to realize
That faith will heal the scars

And with His Word of honor
And the love that He brings forth
To give us a life ever lasting
Beyond His pearly doors

That Heaven is there forever
An eternity it will stand
Waiting for the souls return
Love to life, eternal life for man

Faith's Broken Promises

She wanted to be touched
Like a star hanging dry
A sky without a meaning
A tear without a cry

And her hands tremble terribly
At the thought of her review
Of a man who sat so coldly
Wanting a different hue

A girl without any color
A sun in a shade of gray
A pale skinned goddess of love
With nothing important to say

Yet as she gleamed and danced
With her silken tresses of light
He was further from her reach
And barely in her sight

He wanted more then just a dancer
A lover, more like a toy
She thought she'd found her man
But instead she bought a boy

Fragile and weak her body
And lips broken and torn
Like the dress that wanted wear
She was the rose without a thorn

And on her knees she weep
And in her blood she swore
That this was the final time
She lay broken on the floor

Love she cursed, and forgot the world
Its existence mattered naught
She lived too long in a golden castle
And golden dreams she sought

The times for Roman soldiers
Battles fought and won
Or Princes with their armor
She knew there wasn't one

Shielded with the passion
Of hate, and her demise
There was nothing left to live for
If she lived in a disguise

With no one to really see her
Or listen to her crying
Living alone 'til the end
With an empty soul that's dying

When she leaves this world
There's one thing to remain
That there's nothing more regretful
Then loving when in vain

She was not the sun set
Or even the waking dawn
She always found the bed stand money
When her lover's were through and gone

Her clothes piled in a corner
Awaiting their next turn
For another man's heart to break
Another bridge to burn

Those endless cries of bleeding
And cursing all the world
There wasn't much more to it
She was just a simple girl

Who wanted nothing more than
A man to see her truly
And kindle her faith in love
Without the force of cruelty

And with her gained reliance
Of faith of the heart
To see the world more clearly
When she finds a brand new start

That love is more a destiny
Than a way to make a dirty living
Love is as simple as trust,
Faith, passion, caring, and giving

Vermont

Leaf turn to ice
crossed under
sage tree whispers
of long ago.
Kiss tomorrow
twice good bye
Sun and moon
approaches another
day.

Crossing the bridge
Where the dust
Swirled in cross-
fires, and
Slowly departing
In winter spill

Trudge home through
Acres of fired wood;
Iced over from
sugaring snow,
Laid gentle a
blanket of newness.